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Monday, January 16, 2012

I hate you - chapter 6.

I left the locker room as fast as I could and rushed to the grand-stand to get my purse and the barely-eaten pretzel. My eyes were immediately searching for Josh, but he was not on the field. That was strange. I decided it would be best to get out of here and have some fresh air.

I could not stay inside, I wanted him to explain what happened and why, but most of all I needed an explanation from myself. If I really am fair, I have to say that there was no violence, I kissed him back just as passionately as he kissed me. I cannot deny it. But what can I expect from him after this? What will happen? I did not want anything from him, I still think he is the biggest jerk living on Earth. Even if he kissed me and I pretty much enjoyed it, this can never happen again.

I stepped out of the main entrance of the stadium and immediately felt the cold air. Just what I needed, it felt like slapping myself back to reality. My thoughts were everywhere. I could not even decide that the biggest mistake I made is that I got kissed and kissed back while dating Josh or got kissed by Nate and kissing him back.
Him.
The only person I could never find out.

And even if he was shouting at me not a long time ago, his kiss was so tender, he touched my lips so gently. I did not even imagine he is capable of being tender. And Josh.. I owe him an explanation. He will be extremely pissed that it happened with Nate. He has warned me before not to deal with Nate.

And Nate, oh my god, I cannot even be in the same room as him, I do not want his questions, I do not want him asking me to explain why I kissed him back. How can I explain it to him if I am unable to explain it to myself? I just wanted to forget everything.

When I was done thinking and started freezing, I got back inside the stadium, still maintaining my low-profile. There were still some minutes remaining and I looked at the scoreboard and wow! We scored 2 and Hornets did not score any. The 2 people scoring our goals was Sonie and Jared. I was more than happy for them! It was now 3 minutes to go, please hold on!!!

The Hornets had the ball and Josh rushed to attack our post. Our defenders were all dribbled by him, and now Josh was face to face with Nate. He pulled the ball on the side, making Nate loose his balance and sit on the floor. Then Josh shot and the ball was heading toward the post, I was absolutely sure that it will be a goal. But the ball landed in Nate's hand before reaching the line. I do not know how he did it, but in the last minute he stretched his arm to the other direction grabbing the ball. The game was over. We won. Everyone was ecstatic.

We played very well, as much I could see from the game. We gathered together, the main team and the substitutes and we all started hugging each other and screaming. I was looking for Sonie, and she was talking to Nate, I wanted to approach them but I couldn't. After Nate finished talking to her, he looked at me and left the spot. I was relieved that I did not have to talk to him so far.
  • Congratulations, Son!! - I shouted through the mass. I am not sure she could hear it, but she could lip-read it.
  • Thanks Ally! Oh, my god, this was awesome! - she replied happily. I guessed she knew that I was not there when she scored her goal, so I owed her an explanation. I could see that she was expecting it now.
  • Later, Sonie. I have to find Josh.
  • Ok.
  • I am still not sure if I can make it to the club tonight.
  • All right. We will see.

I looked at the other side of the mass where the Hornets was sitting and discussing the game. I saw Josh immediately, sitting on a bench. I had to get ready to console him.

  • Josh - I approached him and gave him a hug.
  • Hey Al - he replied neutrally. - Do you mind if I want to be alone now? - he asked. It got me completely blindsided. If I were him, I'd stay tonight with my girlfriend.
  • Yeah, sure.
  • Now I am going home, you do the same with your family - he said. It sounded cold.
  • Josh, is everything OK? - I asked immediately.
  • Oh yes. - He said, but sounded sarcastic.
  • I can see there's something bothering you. If you'd like to, we can go somewhere and talk about the game.
  • Ally, don't push it. - he said.
  • What?
  • Don't act like you care. - he retorted.
  • Why are you telling me this? - I did not have a clue why he was suddenly so distant. I reached for his hands, but he pulled his away.
  • Al, I know about you and Nate. - he said sharply. Then muttered something like: I wish I did not have to leave the field to take my ankle protector from the locker.

I started to tremble like a tree and I had the worst in my mind.

  • Josh, do you-
  • Yes, I saw you Ally.

I closed my eyes for a second and I cursed my fate for sending Josh right there.

  • Josh, I can explain it. I did not- I said hoping he gives me a chance to explain, but he butted in.
  • What didn't you do, Ally? I saw just enough.  - And he was absolutely right. I did kiss Nate back. I do not have an acceptable reason for having done this.
  • Josh, he kissed me first.
  • Ally, do you think this really matters? - he asked.
  • But I don't want him - I told him honestly.
  • Maybe, you don't, but I am confused now. - he said and left me there.

An instant shock started to take my body over, and I was searching for my family in the crowd. I needed them. They were getting closer. Really close. Dear god, tell me that they were not even close when we argued with Josh.

When they approached me, my mom instantly hugged me. Great, they watched it from front row. Even Holly held my hands. I let out a deep breath, and I was thinking that no matter what mistakes you make, the family always stands by you. They accept you unconditionally for yourself. I smiled back at Holly and we started to head out of the stadium. Then Holly started screaming Tommy! and left us in a second. We tried to catch up with her, but in a crowd it is never easy. Finally the crowd opened and we could see a woman, Nate and Tommy. Tommy was on Nate's shoulder. I did not have a doubt that the woman was Nate's mother, she was very beautiful. Nate looked at me but I looked away.
  • Tommy! - my little sis still had a one-word vocabulary.
  • Holly!  - ok, this is getting funny that now everyone is calling everyone's name. Tommy asked Nate to put him on the ground, and he did so, and now Tommy could greet my sister.
  • Mom, this is Tommy, Nate and Ms Myers - she said as if she was an adult.
  • Ms Harat, Mr Hart, Allison, Holly. It is nice to finally meet you. I heard a lot about you from my sons.
  • Ms Myers, you're coming to the Christmas play on the 16th, aren't you? - Holly asked. I could see Nate's, Tommy's and Ms Myers' expression change in an instant. I knew that my sister put her finger on a weak spot.
  • Honey, unfortunately I have an afternoon shift that day and I won't be able to make it. - my sister's smile now turned into a straight line. I had to do something.
  • But we will be there, right, Nate? - I asked trying to save this awkward situation.
  • Y-yes. S-sure - he said surprised. Then both him and Ms Myers sent me a smile.
  • But at least can I get a hamburger after it? - asked Holly innocently. I bet she knew exactly that no partent would say no in front of other people.
  • Honey, wouldn't you prefer a nice dinner at home? - my mom asked.
  • No, I deserve a hamburger, it will be my remuneration - and everyone bursted out laughing. She was adorable. I don't know where she is picking these words up.
  • It was nice to meet you all. We have to go now. - said Ms Myers and took Tommy's hand to leave, but Nate nodded her to leave without him.

He took me aside.
  • Al, thanks for saving it. - he said. His voice was still sad.
  • It was nothing - I replied, but I was watching my mom leave and turning back at me every 10 seconds. She wanted me to join them. I nodded.
  • Allison, would you please look at me when I am talking to you? - he asked and I looked at him.

  • Ally, what happened in.. in the locker room - he started, but I butted in.
  • Nothing happened Nate. - I said and I saw him trying to say something but he did not have a chance, because I left him right there.
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